In nine days, we will be leaving on our cross country trip. I thought I would be more excited at this point than I really am. While we will continue schooling for part of the trip, there will be no more housework (except in a 30 x 8 ft trailer), no more weeding, no more projects to get done, no more appointments and driving all over the place. Wait a minute, strike that last one. Why am I not more excited?
Maybe it is the constant comments from friends like, "Wow, you're brave", that have me wondering if I am a little crazy to do this trip. Maybe it is the four different lists that cover notebook paper of things that have to be accomplished before I go. Maybe, it is the prospect of being away from Mark so long and home for even longer. (Mark is coming with us part way and meeting us later, too!)
I always used to love adventure. Parenting has grounded me a lot more. Isn't parenting enough of an adventure in itself? In January, the prospect of this adventure sounded exciting. In April, it seemed a little too close. Now in May, it is positively frightening.
We have prayed a lot about this trip. I am fairly certain we have God's blessing and will also have His protection. I am completely certain that this trip will cause some growth and stretching in my relationship with my heavenly Father. Could that be what I'm afraid of? Our goal with this trip was for our children to experience God in a way they hadn't before. We truly felt some time at this camp, "Summer's Best Two Weeks" would help them do that. Then of course, the trip cross country will be amazingly educational. But, I wasn't thinking about my own growth. Being away for half the summer with four kids and no husband much of the time will definitely stretch my patience, my grace and certainly my strength. I like growing closer to Jesus by experiencing nice things--long walks, beautiful scenery, rest and relaxation and being able to enjoy God's blessing. That is what I planned on with this trip. yet as it draws closer I am thinking more of the days of driving, setting up camp, preparing dinner, teaching four children in the car while we drive and falling in to bed in exhaustion each night, or worse--not being able to sleep because I am nervous about where we are staying. Yes, I believe I will be the one to grow this summer. I pray that I am easily taught. Please pray with me and for all of us.
